Thursday, August 14, 2008

Overwhelmed

*sigh*

Ever been in an email fight? How about with someone that you CAN'T have an in person or phone conversation with? Throw in the fact that he's going through a difficult time anyway(6 week transition chief training).

*sigh*

Trying to make life decisions about orders(where to go/what to do next in the NAVY) is difficult in real life- in the e-mail world it's even harder. And it's easy to misunderstand what someone is trying to tell you. And add on the stress of bills, mortgages, house leaks, car problems...etc. It's time for a breakdown. But- I can't breakdown- I'm a NAVY wife- I don't have a choice but to continue.

What do I do instead?

Fire back a "not so nice" email. Actually two. I couldn't help myself. I didn't feel better after I sent them. I actually felt bad. So I sent a third trying to explain myself in a much calmer fashion. It's just very frustrating feeling like he's not listening to what I'm trying to say. It's frustrating to feel alone all the time. It's overwhelming doing everything yourself. It's frustrating. Very frustrating balancing and juggling everything. It's hard to be feeling all these things...and going through closets to finish collecting everything for the upcoming Yard Sale and find letters, pictures..etc from the ex-wife. And I know that's the way way long ago past. But it still stings. Call me crazy but- It stings a lot. And then while I was cleaning out the closet- I noticed a damp smell and damp boxes. Yes- A leak. An actual drape in the ceiling. The roof. Just what we need right now. *sigh* I had our neighbor/close friend Pete come by to take a look- and help me move everything out of the room. We just will need to get on the roof this week at some point. I have a fan going to help with the mold.

I'm exhausted. And frustrated (did I mention frustrated?). And hurt.

Mostly. I just hurt right now. Over everything. Which makes me feel stupid because I do angry way better then hurt. Hurt is hard for me.

But... it hurts.

1 comment:

Sam said...

Don't feel stupid at all! Anyone who has or will go through deployments will inevitably end up in the same situation and it's flippin' HARD! How do you fight, discuss, compromise, converse, plan, etc with someone via only email and very very very rarely in real time?

Hang in there girl! I know that is the most trite advice you can get at a time like this. It'll make an upturn. And for Pete's Sake STOP downplaying what you have to go through! (and I mean that in a good way!) Yes, he's going through tough stuff out there, but your job isn't an easy one.