Saturday, July 19, 2008

Wanting more- almost empty...

I love getting e-mail. I really do. And I feel like I get a fair amount- and the length is decent - not award winning but decent. And I appreciate that he sacrifices his free time/sleep time to write me emails. I appreciate that he sees my sacrifice. That he supports me. That he does his best with e-mail.

I am a stay positive kind of girl- but whew- The email thing throws me for a loop. I read the emails I receive over and over again until I could recite them to you word for word. I truly enjoy them. I smile at the crazy things his division does(or the people in it). I laugh when he teases me. I feel tears when he's being sweet or sharing his feelings(monumental occurrences only)..... then when I have sucked all the emotion out of the e-mail.... I feel empty. I want more. I'm longing for more. And it's not his fault. I know his time is limited...there isn't much to say... he can't print my emails to refer to.. sailor mail doesn't always work...... It's just part of the game - I suppose. I just don't want to feel sad. I don't want to feel empty.

I have to find a coping skill to truly enjoy his e-mails (not just a moment of joy) instead of letting them be in control of my feelings. I know I am in complete control of this entire deployment. How upset/sad I get is completely up to me. I feel very confident and strong. I know that everything will go well- I know it will fly by. I know it will be fine. I made a promise to Joe- for the rest of my life and that included at least 11 more years of "our sub life" until he retires- maybe 21 if we decide to do 30. I promised. With that promise comes understanding, support and love. I HAVE to keep it that he can keep it together. E-mail will not rule this deployment...

E-mail will not rule this deployment. That includes caring when other people get e-mail and you don't. Not a possibility- so stop it right now......

I feel much better after getting that out.
Email will not rule this deployment... WILL NOT

Missing my husband....

Bless those who serve beneath the deep,
Through lonely hours their vigil keep.

May peace their mission ever be,
Protect each one we ask of Thee.
Bless those at home who wait and pray,
For their return by night and day.

No comments: