Saturday, January 12, 2008

The tough stuff.....


Being an adult = tough decisions

Joe has been on his boat for a long time now- 3 deployments in all. His time is coming to an end right before a deployment. We had the opportunity to avoid the deployment and start his shore duty in South Carolina or New York teaching. Of course the idea of going right into a shore duty in a few months is a wonderful idea. South Carolina is a wonderful idea. A wonderful warm idea.

So how does a couple make the decision? There is no compromise. So...if you don't both 100% agree-someone "wins". *sigh* This brings me back to the tough decisions that adults have to make. We make lists - mentally and on paper

Pros to moving to South Carolina
1. No-minimal time away on the sub for 3 years. Most likely no time!
2. We would have the summer together.
3. He would be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. ( He won't be if he goes )
4. No deployments for 3 years -
5. South Carolina is nice. and warm

Pros to staying in Connecticut
1. We have two houses here- one that we already rent. Might be a pain to try to manage two from far away.
2. My jobs are both here. And although I could move one, I couldn't move the other.
3. We want to have children at the end of the shore duty- and if it starts earlier, that will take away from some of our adult time together
4. I REALLY want to get a deployment(underways aren't the same) under our belt as a couple. It will make the shore duty that much SWEETER if we just came off of a deployment. I think of how sweet underway homecomings are- whew- I know how sweet a deployment homecoming will be.
5. There is a great teaching job in Connecticut(sub school) after the deployment. It's not a sure thing ( Nothing in the NAVY is ) -but he can put in for that.
6. It's better for his career. He has a better chance of making chief on the boat deployed then on shore teaching.
7. My family is in RI. Joe's family is in Maine. This is the closest place we can be to be close to them. Although NY isn't far- SC was really where the decision was.

While making this decision- I felt like we were in a big game of Deal or No Deal. If we go to South Carolina, it is not 100% that we would ever get to come back to Connecticut. If we extend on the boat and go on the deployment, there is not a 100% chance that we will get to stay in Connecticut for the shore duty.

What did we decide?
*drum roll*

We're going to take our chances and stay in Connecticut. He has extended on his boat and will be deployed this summer. I think there was a part of both of us that wanted to say- Yes... let's do it. Pack it up and move it to South Carolina. The practical part of our brains told us that for Joe's career - this was a better choice. For our future ( not immediate- but way out there future ) extending would work better for our "plans". And...we haven't even finished completely unpacking from this summer...and we just got great tenants.... You get the picture. Connecticut it is.

The first few days following our decision, I felt guilty- I was the driving force behind staying. I felt like Joe wanted me to save him from this deployment. He really doesn't want to go (who does?). His puppy dog eyes and moping were making me sad. He told me people on his boat thought he was nuts...he could get off... So I went from sad to mad(STOP making me feel bad!)... but then back to sad. He gave me(us) the choice- and he didn't have to. He could have made the decision and came home and told me. The Navy does that sometimes- I would have had no way of knowing. But that's not his way- He's a good man. And I love him.

And when deployment comes, and he makes chief- and we have our homecoming... and shore duty comes... and it's in Connecticut- well... then this will all seem like a distant nightmare....

Here is to hoping.... and crossing our fingers...and putting all our positive energy out into the universe...that if we sacrifice now... we will be rewarded later....

I'll take later.

I am a lucky girl.....sad for this week.... but lucky in general.


Allison said...

aww thanks for the condo selling love. i'm giving you guys positive karma love. That's definitely a tough decision to make. You know how i feel about SC ; ) but it seems like you guys made the right decision for your situation. That was really nice that he didn't just make the decision on his own like you said he could of! Hang tight.... You'll come out on top like you always do!

blunoz said...

I know that being separated from your loved ones on deployment is hard, but I think you made the right decision. It'll pay off in the long run. Save up some money now so when he has port calls (especially for the holidays) you can fly over and meet him.